Why men should be a little bit more like hotels
I haven’t talked about men yet have I. All these posts and not a sausage about love. I love love. Well, I love movie love. I love the heroic man, killing loads of bad guys with his bare hands/samurai sword/big gun and then rescuing the damsel, kissing her (despite the fact that it’s quite clear neither have brushed their teeth, let alone flossed, for at least 48 hours) and then sailing into the sunset.
Or I love the slightly brooding and troubled man who we think is mean but actually he’s stoic and lovely. At the end of the film something happens in the rain, perhaps an argument followed by a kiss, and then riding into the sunset go our (usually 17th Century) protagonists.
The trouble is I don’t live in a film. When I go on a date instead of muddy tough guys or britches-wearing gentlemen I get Barry, with his cashmere sweater over his shoulders, telling me his sports car is his life while staring into the middle distance. Or Jeremy, not so subtly telling me how much money he earns while barking orders at a terrified waitress who no doubt skipped the spitting in his food bit and reached straight for the cyanide.
I’ve tried online dating, offline dating, speed dating, silent dating, dating in the dark… I could go on.
But it seems that although I’ve accepted I will never be perfect, I still haven’t managed to give up on the idea that a man could and should be.
Anyway, I’ve come up with a plan to ensure every date I go on from now on is as good as my holidays always are.
My inspiration? Small Luxury Hotels of the World of course.
Replace ‘Hotels’ with ‘Men’. And perhaps scrap the ‘Small’. Bingo. Ooh, hang on. Replace ‘World’ with ‘The Greater London Area’. Long distance never works.
Luxury Men of the Greater London Area will simply re-train the SLH hotel vetting people and have them give members of the hairier sex a once, twice and three times over to ensure high standards, original features and a degree of exclusivity.
So, Mr Paul SLH Kerr, over to you… 😉