It’s not really the done thing in January but I did it anyway. While others were in the gym, giving up wine, eating Ryvita and generally being better all round human beings I decided to buy an enormous television.
I have waited until February to share this with you in case you were a JANUARY PERSON. Capped up because JANUARY PEOPLE like to talk about their personal renaissance very loudly and smugly and everyone else has to live in an Orwellian 1984 parallel universe where we’re not allowed to mention that they do this every year and it definitely won’t last.
Anyway, now that it’s February you should be back to normal. You’ve realised that we drink wine and eat cakes because it makes us happy and that not eating any carbs is selfish because it’s the people around us that have to cope with the hungry angry person.
So, back to my 42 inch Panasonic smart TV.
Despite having what is essentially a cinema at home, miraculously I haven’t become a fat four-eyed box set-addicted recluse. When I watch scary films I am a bit more scared. When I watch tennis it’s like being a ball-boy without the running. And when a nature documentary comes on I just stare open mouthed at the screen for an hour. But I still manage to function as a normal human being the rest of the time.
This took me by surprise. It took me by surprise because a hotel I was looking at online the other day told me I can’t be trusted with a television. It thinks that it must take my television away or else I will sit indoors watching it all day instead of sitting in the sunshine or looking at historic monuments.
It was a beautiful hotel but I’m afraid this lack of trust made me sad. I like to be trusted. In fact I don’t just want trust, I want temptation. I want an enormous television in the bedroom, another in the sitting room and, as I enjoyed at The Arch in London recently, I want one at the end of the bath too.
A bath so deep my mother would never have let me run it, bubbles so high I could barely see over them, and a romantic film on the flatscreen that some tech magician has made impervious to steaming up. Now that’s a guilty pleasure I don’t want to miss however beautiful the view from the balcony.
It was the missing television alone that made me choose another hotel – find out where I chose instead next week.